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It goes without saying that almost all the instruments that find their
way into my workshop are in some state of disrepair - and that my job
largely consists of diagnosing the faults and repairing them.
However, there are times when the matter in hand isn't so much about what's
wrong the instrument but how it got like that in the first place.
In these cases there's nearly always a common factor - that of the instrument
being out of the care of the owner, whether it be left in storage somewhere
or placed in the trust of someone else...most typically a shipper or the
postal service. The instrument leaves the care of the owner in good condition,
and is returned damaged in some fashion.
Another common factor is that the instruments are almost all saxes; flutes
and clarinets etc. are small and light enough to cope with a few knocks,
and usually only exhibit damage if severely mistreated.
It then falls to me ( perhaps an unfortunate choice of words ) to inspect
the instrument and speculate as to how any may have damage occurred. This
can either be an informal process - simply to satisfy the client's curiosity
or bemusement - or a formal one, usually as part of an insurance claim.
It's a particularly interesting facet of my job, and one that requires
quite a thorough examination of both the instrument and its packaging.
In terms of an insurance claim all that's really needed is an answer
to the 'whodunnit' question. Someone is deemed to be responsible, it's
my job to look at the evidence and present the most likely cause of damage
- from which it can be deduced who gets to pay the bill.
There are times though when it's just as important to establish how the
instrument was damaged, or where, when and why ( a howdunnit, wheredunnit,
whendunnit and, well, you get the gist ). This is more likely to be of
interest to the client when an instrument gets damaged in storage - which
supposes a deliberate act rather than an accident.
In a very few cases the evidence points to deliberate damage on the part
of the owner - and this is always indicative of either a client who's
dropped the instrument and is too embarrassed to admit to it ( I usually
get them to 'fess it up' in the end - it's good Karma ) or a young student
who perhaps would prefer to be doing other things rather than learning
to play an instrument.
There are three main types of damage seen on a cased instrument; Shock
damage, impact and crush damage. Each type has a particular 'signature'.
Shock damage result from a cased instrument being dropped. This doesn't
always leave marks on the case, and tends to exhibits itself on the instrument
in the form of gentle bends to the metalwork and large dents underneath
protruding keys and fittings.
Impact damage, where something has hit the case, is more localised, and
often shows evidence of damage to the case. The damage to the instrument
is often confined to one area, and can be quite severe.
Crush damage is nearly always devastating - both case and instrument are
usually severely damaged. Tyre tracks are sometimes in evidence!
Naturally, there's some crossover in the damage type. A case falling from
a height and landing on one of its corners will result in impact damage,
for example - and often shock damage too.
It's usually relatively easy to tell what has happened to an instrument
by the nature of the damage - a skill that comes from seeing countless
similarly damaged instruments where the owner claims full responsibility
and is able to describe how it happened in detail.
Thus, for a sax with a bent bell lip ( with no scratches to the bell ),
a dent in the bell under the bell stay joint and a slight forward bend
in the body, with perhaps some damage around the G/G# tone hole would
indicate that the sax was dropping in its case with the bell facing the
floor. A vintage horn, with a small, thin bell brace will usually also
have a hefty dent where it meets the body, and the toneholes either side
of it will be badly distorted.
Scratches to the bell around the creased and bent lip would indicate the
horn it a hard surface - so wouldn't have been in its case when it hit
the deck ( though it's as well to check the case for anything that might
have caused the scratches ).
The client is often present when I make my examination, and this can
lead to some startling revelations for them.
A recent example was a Selmer alto that had severe damage to its low Eb
guard, and only the guard, on its return from a spell in the company of
baggage handlers.
Such was the nature of the damage that it would be extremely unlikely
that the force required to distort the guard so badly wouldn't have left
visible damage elsewhere ( this usually occurs when case is dropped on
it its hinges - most case have the rear of the sax facing the hinges ).
The specific damage was unusual too - when a guard cops a whack it usually
folds flat, but this guard had a visible groove in it along with scratches
around the groove.
This couldn't have happened while the horn was in the case - the pattern
of damage, the groove, the scratches and the lack of any other damage
point to this horn having been taken out of its case and then damaged
somehow.
Likely scenario? Someone opened the case in transit, got the horn out
of the case and was swinging it about a la 'look at me, I'm a sax player'.
In the course of a backward swing the horn hit a table, or some other
object with a neat edge.
Just a guess, of course - but quite clearly the horn was damaged outside
the case, and in a very specific manner.
There are times though when even I'm beat.
The most recent example concerned a straight soprano sax. This was brought
in by a retailer who'd had the horn returned under warranty with an accompanying
note that told of problem with the low notes. A second note from a teacher
confirmed the problem.
On
opening the well-wrapped case the retailer discovered all the bell keys
hanging off, and noticed that the bell key upper pillar had been knocked
some considerable distance out of line.
The most obvious conclusion was that it couldn't have been sent out like
this in the first place - the retailer would certainly have spotted the
keys hanging off the horn - so it was transit damage.
However, the sax case was one of the semi-soft variety. These cases are
rather good - they have a dense foam or polystyrene interior which gives
excellent shock protection and a hardboard shell ( covered with a black
synthetic material ) that gives good impact and crush resistance. These
cases are light and portable, though less resistant to general wear and
tear than a full hard case.
I was sceptical that the horn could have taken such damage whilst in its
case ; the bell key pillar was a substantial piece of brass, and a force
transmitted through the case sufficient to bend this pillar would have
left a lot of collateral evidence.
My first test then was to check the clearance between the top of the
bell key pillar and the case lid.
I did this by placing a mound of blu-tak on top of the pillar, raising
it and shutting the lid until such times as the lid deformed the mound.
By this method I determined that there was about 18mm clearance.
This would mean that an impact to the lid would first have to deform it
by 18mm before the lining of the case touched the pillar.
Had it done so, the stiff foam would have received a dent. This is easy
enough to test for - simply find a flat spot in the case and poke a fingernail
into the lining. It leaves a dent - and I would have expected to have
found one immediately above the bent pillar. There was no dent though.
It was increasingly looking like the damage had been sustained outside
of the case - which suggested 'operator error' ( a polite way of saying
the player dropped the horn ), and in such instances it's often less hassle
for the retailer to have the problem fixed and return the goods rather
than waste time arguing about who's at fault, and chalking the bill up
to expenses.
And so the horn was repaired and returned - but not before I'd tested
the effectiveness of the case by putting the horn in it and knocking it
against a few doors and table legs.
A week or so later I was extremely surprised to have an email forwarded
to me by the retailer from the owner of the horn. Apparently it still
wasn't working - and there was a rather 'frank' note from the player's
teacher that wasn't at all complimentary.
This was getting to be very suspicious indeed.
On collecting the horn I found exactly the same damage as before - with
the bell key pillar knocked out of line and half the bell keys hanging
off. The retailers instructions this time were to 'test to destruction'
- which effectively means do absolutely anything to replicate the damage.
I was being paid to wreck a horn!
The thing was - how? I couldn't just take a hammer to it, I had to find
out exactly what caused the damage. Was it a case of a disgruntled buyer
deliberately sabotaging the instrument, or was there really something
about the design of the horn or the case that led to the damage?
To be honest it was a tough one to call, given that the retailer had sent
out a great many similar horns and not had a single one back like this
one.
So, I once again repaired the damage and prepared to do whatever it took
to break the horn again.
My first test was to give the pillar a good clout. I knew that this would
undoubtedly bend the pillar, but I'd have to hit the pillar in a particular
spot and unless I was particularly careful it would leave an impact mark.
I simply couldn't imagine anyone going to all the trouble to do this -
and in any event, when I did the test I found that it didn't bend the
pillar in quite the same way.
Once again I realigned the pillar and replaced the keys.
I then set about jumping on the case. This didn't have any effect at all...so
I gave it a couple of hefty kicks. Again, no effect.
I threw it around the workshop for a while - no effect.
I then decided to be a bit more methodical by dropping the case onto each
of its sides, one by one - first the top, then the bottom, then the sides...
Nothing happened...until I dropped the case on its end, specifically the
mouthpiece end.
The results were dramatic. Dropping the case from head height straight
onto the end resulted in the bell key pillar being knocked clean out of
line! I'd found the problem.
I repeated the test a few times and found that the minimum height at which
damage was sustained was at about chest height. A drop from any lower
than that didn't have any effect, neither did swinging the case into a
wall - unless you really, really gave it one hell of a swing ( and then
you'd rightly expect some damage - and that effectively comes under the
'operator error' heading! ). I also found I had to drop the case dead
square onto its end - a drop at even a slight angle ( onto a corner, for
example ) didn't result in any damage.
What was causing the damage was 'hammer action'. As the case accelerates
down towards the floor it stores energy. Once it hits the floor inertia
is translated into force, and the combined weight of the bell keys hurtles
forward into the pillar like a hammer, thus deforming the pillar.
At some point during the horn's journey the case had taken a whack 'end
on' - and this had happened on two separate occasions. Clearly the chief
suspect is the courier - but much as we often moan about the way our parcels
are handled I find it hard to believe that a courier would deliberately
drop a package from head height, twice, in the same fashion. I suppose,
at a pinch, you might suppose that the courier knew the parcel contained
a soprano sax, and that they had some peculiar vendetta against the instrument....perhaps
as a result of living next door to someone who played Kenny G albums at
all hours of the night...
Seems unlikely though.
I rather suspect the answer is more mundane.
The most likely cause of the damage is the horn sliding about in the back
of a van.
In a well-packed van there would be other parcels in the load space -
but at some point or other most of these parcels will have been delivered...leaving
a great deal more space. It's possible then that the horn was able to
move about ( perhaps it was even the last package to be delivered on both
occasions ). Even the smallest van has at least five feet of floor space
- and I suggest that in the process of accelerating and braking the horn
had slid that five feet across the van's floor and crashed into a solid
wall - and let's be frank here, courier drivers aren't exactly noted for
their propensity to drive around in a slow and sedate manner. In an empty
van there's a very good chance that the parcel would have ended up aligned
with one of the sides - thus ensuring that when it eventually slid across
the floor it would have hit a well end-on.
That, my friends, is my theory - and I'm sticking to it.
There is, however, one remaining mystery.
Clearly the horn was damaged when it arrived at the buyer's house - and
on both occasions the complaint was that the low notes didn't work. This
point was made quite clear in the teacher's email.
The mystery is - how on earth could anyone not notice that the bell keys
were hanging off?
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